Logline: When France’s most elite mech fighters discover that the nobility are hoarding magical gems for their own corrupt purposes (to supercharge their military against the industrial workers), Dart and the 3 mechateers set out to take down the overpowered Bourgeouise and stabilize the balance of power between the royal and working classes.
Gameplay Logline: An action exploration game navigation game that will give players the chance to tower the city in armored mechs or scale rooftops and dive through tunnels as a rapier-wielding “mechateer” in the pursuit of honor for their fellow friends and people of their country.
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Logline:The brash young D’art heads out on a swashbuckling adventure to fulfill his dream of becoming a Mechateer in the great Mechtropol...
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Logline: When France’s most elite mech fighters discover that the nobility are hoarding magical gems for their own corrupt purposes (to sup...
What we're missing in the 1st logline is the personal irony of the story. Why does it matter to Dart and the Mechateers that the nobility are superpowering their military? Make the story personal, and make sure that the irony of the mechateers fighting the military is clear, or find some other irony that relates to the characters, again very personally.
ReplyDeleteThe gameplay logline is meant to market the idea to people quickly, so you need to describe it to people who don't necessarily know what "action exploration" or "navigation" mean to a game style. I do like the moment-to-moment suggestion there. If you're going to include "honor" as a goal here, make sure it relates to the personal irony you call out in the first sentence!